It seems as if I only blog when something is happening, or has happened in my life (and
typically so far it has all been bad). That habit I promise to break . So anyway here goes my
yucky god AWFUL blog of this week. After the last guy that I broke up with, the one my family refers to as "basement boyfriend" because he LITERALLY was always in a dark basement, (a vampire maybe, but he was more like an call of duty, youtube fiend that was more into how many kills he got on black ops and his sniper rifle than his girlfriend). Anyway after that ordeal with feeling like I was being ignored for the entire time we were dating, I met this seemingly amazing guy who made me believe that there was hope that not all men were insensitive and that chivalry was not dead. He bought me flowers on our first date, held the door open for me, was polite and just a breath of fresh air after my last downfall of a relationship. Things were beautiful, I was told everyday that I was gorgeous, that there was one else that could make him feel the way I did, my family loved him, everything was amazing. It was something that I wasn't used to, feeling wanted and beautiful, being comfortable and being myself. That was until I got broken up with OVER A TEXT MESSAGE. Not only that but I was told that I would never make this
man boy happy, that he pitied me, I was neither cute nor sexy, that I brought out the worst in him, and that I needed to leave him the 'fuck' alone.
I was devastated, the relationship was not under attack, I was. And for a little while I was trying to figure out what I did wrong, what it was that I should have done differently. But as I was laying there in my bed crying until I couldn't breathe, a thousand thoughts ran through my head. The first thought, THIS IS WHO I AM, I am me, I am not a liar and I maybe terrible at coming out and telling someone how I feel, but if I trust you, my emotions and feelings for you will become easier to express. He was right I couldn't make him happy because he didn't like who I was, but I sure as hell wasn't changing for anyone especially for
a loser an asshole that had me and my family fooled that he had actually cared for me. I was told that he couldn't mix pity with love, and he was doing that with me. He is right about that, you can't mix pity with love, but I do pity him and the fool who falls in love with him.
As for me I am okay, I have surrounded myself with people who know everything about me, and who love me anyway. I still am shaken, but I am standing, promising myself that I learn from everything that life has to throw at me. And the only thing that helps me say grounded is the most perfect quote, and music. <3
"I am selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
